"We're all basically alone"

Sitting alone in my bed today i watched this TED talk and it really spoke to me. Sherry Turkle speaks about how technology and our new handy devices make us avoid real conversation, leave us lonely even though they help us establish connection, and eventually might change our psyche.

I am not on FB or G+ and do not tweet, but i do have this blog and obviously have been using it for quite a while now, portraying a certain image or call it version of myself that i choose to portray. My cell phone is an extremely old Nokia, cleared out by my mom, that does not know www i think and for which i only got a UK sim card five months ago. But i still relate to that TED talk quite a bit.

For one and mostly, because i do avoid phone calls with a definite preference for email as long as things can be handled this way. I feel so much more comfortable at writing, and yes, i love my 'control'. And i feel weird when i cannot see and make eye contact with the person i am talking to - which is why i am much easier with video skype calls. And i also seem to never have gotten used to phone calls all too well given that post-GDR our street was only equipped with phone cables when i was almost a teenager and from then on for some reason i dreaded making calls. when young i used to be super ubershy about calling strangers for making appointments and the like and my mom kept pushing me, arguing i had to learn this. i even dreaded calling friends for fear i had to speak to their parents first. 15 years later i have gotten much better at it, making my calls after incredible amounts of procrastination when at last they have to be made.

The second reason why i relate to this TED talk is an observation i made over the past few years ever since i lived in the US and after. i have an interesting range of feelings when i am in the presence of someone constantly in touch with their iphone. these depend on how close the person is to me. they range from amusement (i was in a hospital waiting room the other day and a friend was accompanying her friend and both were together and not, because they were both together on their iphones typing, next to but not engaging with each other - i kept watching them, it was funny), to estrangement (i entered the first bus on my return to san francisco and was unable to make eye contact to anyone next and in front of me, because every single person was looking into and scrolling onto the screen of an iphone - it was creepily weird), to a feeling of being lonely even though with a friend (spending time with constant new mail/new message alert and immediate reaction upon them - "hej there, i am also pinging you, ping ping") or even to a feeling of being upset (someone loses awareness of the moment and of me - "hej, ME").

i do wonder sometimes how it changes our awareness when we are always connected and somehow divert our awareness in part from the present moment. it is like being here, but also a bit elsewhere. as if the present moment in its full self and all that it includes is not enough. are we up for missing out on our immediate surrounding? - i like to wonder. i also wonder how it changes human interaction and relationships in the long term, our capacity to concentrate for a long time on just one thing, our ability to think and talk coherently and profoundly, our willingness to be totally disconnected and stay present to a feeling of loneliness or void that may show up from time to time without apps and in digital reach to others. for this, Sherry Turkle's talk came timely, gave food for thought and spoke to me on many levels. yes, sitting still with one's feelings and everything that comes up in silence is so hard, while a grab of the phone, texting, or connecting to the next thing are pretty easy and always available.

Thinking about the TED talk, this song came to my mind.

different people use their iphones differently, that is for certain. way of the majority of my close friends do not have an iphone, as of yet. and i'd prefer it remaining this way even though it means they will not respond to every single bit immediately. everything changes though, i know, and i am pretty curious of what will become of all of us. and i am also torn about my blogging, for quite a while actually already, as it creates this false image of closeness for me, and for you. and i could be present to my immediate world or to a real person, create something palpable or simply be sitting still and perceive the moment, instead of typing this or something of the past.