A note to the universe, within you, within me.

I have not been working much the last two weeks and still deeply within i feel i have been learning more than ever. I come to understand. I wake up to mornings of understanding without having spent the previous night in study. Maybe it is the fruit of a life's ever-growing experience, of an impersonal changing phenomenon that is growing older from moment to moment - and slowly, gradually but consistently passing away. Maybe it is the fruit of my actively seeking the balance of body, mind and soul. Maybe it is the fruit of my constant aim to exercise myself in empathy, in awareness. Maybe an angel whispered truth into my ear at night. Maybe i am totally making up that i am understanding and my point predictions of what i have come to understand are off by the thousands. Maybe they are still 'right', but my motions, thoughts and sensations will never suffice to convey. [The wind started blowing stronger and stronger while i was typing this. Maybe it was wind that brought me some of this which is.]

You, me, the universe, we are one. We grow together. We are ever-expanding. We were connected from the start before we even realised it and we will remain connected forever. From moments of past presence, through moments of now presence, into moments of the yet unknown. Our journey started 14 billion years ago. We were born out of the same matter, out of the same bang. I am in you. You are in me. We are the universe. I was am will be with you, always.

One thing that intrigues me so much lately is the closer link that i start to see between what we call 'life' and 'science'. This link has become more present to me than before, beyond what is being told in the books, papers and lectures, and i realise how much we can explain life with science and science with life. I start formulating this new goal where i want to unite my being-human-ness with my being-scientist-ness, because these two roles, these two concepts are also in fact one and i can use one to understand the other. One is the other.

There is one thing in the social sciences that is different to what i feel is my task in life. In the social sciences, i am told to come up with theoretical hunches, to then find empirical proof of my made-up theory. In life, i feel more and more often it is my task to tear down made-up beliefs, to correct the imbalance that a mind, a body, a soul has caused over that which simply is, over that what things and being really are. (In science, most often we actually find proof of the latter even though we start with a different intention.)

I myself am causing such imbalance. My mind is not pure, my actions are not without mistake, my heart keeps seeking. You are causing such imbalance. Your mind is not pure, your actions are not without mistake, your heart keeps seeking. I am practising forgiveness. I sought to forgive you, i seek to forgive you, i will seek to forgive you. Yes, i forgive you. I try to forgive myself, for the was, for the is, for the will be. I hope you forgive yourself. It is my deep wish you forgive yourself. It is my wish that you and i, us, will find peace. Peace with the was, peace with the is, peace with the will be. The universe is peace. I want to believe we will always keep trying to tune in with that peace.

I was, am, and will keep trying to find peace in the here and the now. 


Trying to not seek the have, but instead embrace the is. Practicing to give, not expecting in return. Asking for what it is i can share, instead of formulating and repeating what i want. Accepting that we do not see, hear, smell, taste, sense, feel, read, learn, think, know, believe, understand, remember, seek or want the same. Patiently walking the valleys in order to maybe enjoy some of the mountains in some future time. Observing myself instead of creating me. 


Being grateful for every single experience for it added to my being rich and understanding. Wishing you well and happy, no matter how much i believe myself in renunciation, in not being understood, in being ignored, in being abandoned, in not being treated well, in not being dared, in not being given a chance, in not being trusted, in not being taken seriously, in not being shared, in being rejected, in not being loved, in being one of the many things on this list that i can make up to believe for long and forever. 


Reminding myself that there is nothing such as 'loss', observing and becoming present to the one and eternal truth - the constant flow of arising and passing away of that which is all one. Focussing myself on the now, letting go of past and future. Repeating to myself that it is love that all of us seek, consciously or subconsciously while yet stumbling along because of our weaknesses and impurities - until one day - we move on. 


Loving you unconditionally, happily. Loving myself unconditionally, happily - despite all those daunting imperfections. Being peaceful and happy. 


Then, now, then. Always.