With and from the summer winds

I am being witness to quite a show outside my bedroom as i type, sitting cross legged on my bed, rested against the wall, computer in the lap. There, thunder growls and disrupts the harmony in the skies. Clouds chase each other, there is a few seconds of rain drops drumming on everything that is not under cover, and then sunshine hits the earth, for a few moments only, sparking light towards me. But then the thunder swells again, turning the world a little darker. Then there is silence, even the wind seems to hold its breath for a moment, the twig at my window is resting still, then sways a little as the thunder rolls again from the distance, as if it were to foreshadow the sunshine that is now again casting my room all in gold. The spectacle continues as i keep on writing.

Maybe the pace of this all-weathers-in-one is the best allegory for my life at the moment. I can no longer recall when exactly i decided that i will submit my dissertation by the end of November the latest, but there you have it, i have a date, and now i told ya. 

I picture myself on Friday November 29 2013, in the Ann Arbor US Post Office, sending off a big envelope to the Uni of Essex that holds my thesis along with some forms and then it's gone, after someone took a picture of me with the piece yet in my hands, smiling triumphantly, and then when my baby hits the hands of the US carrier service i cry a little as its fate will be out of my hands for sure, all printed, set in paper, no more changes, tweaks, and edits, and then i gather those who i brought with me to witness the moment and we walk over to Iorio's and i buy the biggest gelato in history to celebrate it all. And at night i will lie and feel the pressure slide off of me, my shoulders, my neck, my little brain. I have trouble to fully visualise that final feeling with all its sensations, but i have an idea of it and i can't wait for it to come, oh, will it be sweet. 

But right now, there is work. Lots and lots of work. Visualising the end, setting myself milestones, deadlines, and then passing one after the other, followed by little bright rewards, i slowly move myself forward, towards that final moment. There is so much reading, programming, writing, and revising, i am surprised my vision has not yet turned rectangular.

I am being held and carried by the strong intentions i set myself in Berlin in June when i lay in a final shavasana one beautiful hot afternoon. I still feed from daily yoga now, enjoying so much the step onto the mat first thing in the morning. I still walk to campus across the field, finding constant joy in nature's ever ongoing change of scenery. Yesterday, the sun had already set and a warm summer wind caressed the earth, and me in it. I took it as a foreboder of my summer vacation with you, my big reward after my big deadline mid-August. Two more weeks!

And then there is good food, growth at the farm, plenty of Henri Texier, random dances and singing in my room or the outdoors with The xx (or, ''The girl and the mumbler''), and if all this was not yet enough to keep me going, i am making plans for the time post November and things are starting to line up until i depart southeast. But when i allow my thoughts to travel this far in time i literally start to shiver. So, i rather choose to focus on the here for now.

OK, so much from my lazy morning after i sent my supervisor a draft last night. I leave you with a snippet of me and my surroundings, a couple weeks ago, one Saturday afternoon turning early evening, when i played with the best British summer we ever had. I know i kind of disappeared, but from where i am i am sending you love, just like the sun, the rain, the thunder, and the wind.